she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I fill condoms, not promises.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I did not marry a roomba.
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