yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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