smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
