I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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