I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
