ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
