I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
