Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
