Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
