I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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