At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
