my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
