the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
