Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
