Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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