i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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