your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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