mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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