You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
