just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
