Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
