Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
