Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
