is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
