my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
