his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
