Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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