Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
