am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
