frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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