I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
