omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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