ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
