She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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