It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We left an ass print on the piano.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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