woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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