do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
