the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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