I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
