i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
