watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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