5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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