bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My cat gives me a boner
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
