12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
