The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
