if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
