I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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