Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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