do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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