You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
