apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
