I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
